I gasp a farewell to the you
I have known since birth;
the you who knew my soul
was more than others saw.
The you, who handed me
a paintbrush to paint the snow.

I regret much…
you, in your childlike state,
me covering lies.
You, in your understanding,
me in my distorted acceptance.

I was left to rot in the love you gave.
You knew! You knew it all…
I gave nothing when I thought
it was something.

I gave my soul for a price –
and you took it willingly
because you believed in me,
even when I didn’t.

Now you are buried
in the ground, ears unable to hear me.
I imagine what I would say to you.

You would forgive me!
But, I must atone for my sins.
I must shed the skin
of my present to atone for my past.

Please understand, I was nothing,
grasping onto something that wasn’t mine.

I love you. I love the memories –
the paintings, the drawings,
the moments with clay in my hands…
the moments where you told me
to mold a masterpiece…
and I believed I could.

Day #3 of National Poetry Month and NaPoWriMo

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz


3 thoughts on “Farewell”

  1. Nikki reading this deeply personal and confessional poem leaves me feeling emotional. The heartfelt words of the narrator are moving and emotive.

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