Walls

Walls

If there is one thing I know about myself it is that I am an expert at building emotional walls. Walls that were meant in the beginning to be protection usually end up being a hinderance to personal progression. We trap ourselves behind constructs of our own making. It is here we feel alone, lost, and misunderstood. And how would it be any different? Removing our emotional selves from connection to others isn’t a healthy thing. Yet, so many of us do just that – time and time again. But what if our walls, personified by all the things we could never say, could talk? What words would our walls give to us? What would be torn down when the ability to be open presents itself? What if instead of creating brick and mortar, we allowed our emotions to flow freely? What if the flow of emotions could cause an erosion of the walls constructed in years past? Where would we be? Rain would just be rain, allowed to flow and absorb. There would be no collection system, no bottling and storing. We would live in the moment, splash through the puddles instead of peering into them trying to make sense of the blurry reflections of the past.

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz

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Perspective

Perspective

My feet hit the dirt trail
at a faster pace than normal
The incline increases
I don’t slow, I push harder
Muscles scream
Lungs tighten
Each step carries me further away
from a quagmire of thoughts

Maybe I can outdistance
the incessant worries
if I leave them
at the foot of this mountain
Maybe I can climb until
the air clears and it feels
as if I could reach out
and touch the sun

I collapse at the summit
Aware of every fiber of my being
The sun feels different
The breeze is strong and full
of voices only heard in nature
I gaze at the world below me
and am reminded
sometimes a new perspective
is all that’s needed

~

We’ve all heard the saying before “You can’t see the forest for the trees”. It’s so easy to get caught up in the busy lives we lead and lose perspective of who we are and where we are going. Growing up, my family went on many camping trips. I’ve hiked many mountains (large and small) with my Uncle Lance as a guide. I learned at a young age that there was nothing as inspiring as reaching the summit, feeling that accomplishment as you looked down at the world around you. The view from that vantage point was so different from the view from the valley floor. Being able to see for miles, having a bird’s eye of the world if only for a few minutes offered up an expansive feeling that I would never have known otherwise. This type of perspective transcends anything physical, it speaks to the soul. Those are the moments I feel the closest to God, and the most in touch with the truest form of myself. Perspective is everything.

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz

Ripples

Your tears became
a sea in which
you could not swim
Ripples formed
travelling from you
on to the ocean of us
Your ripples
became ours
And ours
yours
Nothing goes
unnoticed
We all
leave ripples –
for better
or for worse

~

This week a friend of mine tried to take his own life. In his sorrow I am sure he didn’t realize his value in the eyes of the people around him, that he didn’t realize his actions would effect so many like it did – love from all over the world poured in on his facebook page. All of this caused me to think of the theory of the ripple effect, how we are all connected, how our actions influence others – how everything matters! There was a time I tried to take my own life. Many, many years later I can look back and see the ripples created by a life I lived instead of a life I almost ended. My mistakes and failures have created ripples, my life has effected everyone around me in ways I see and in many ways I am sure I don’t understand or might never even know. This week has been a reminder to create ripples of good intentions, to give, to love, and to live.

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz

Flowered Tears

Her eyes are
Tears and flowers
Mixed
In a furious rage
Of acquiescence
Savored
A mess of
Expression
Made

For she alone
Knows
The essence
Of her heart
Bleeds a mixture
Relished
Of love
And anger
Apart

The two are
Knotted
Undeniably
Bound and fused
At the core
All is tangled
Tightly
And is counted
Score

Her future
Dealt in the past
Her past the
Future wills
Her tears are flowers
Spent and dealt
From eyes
Love and fortune
Spills

flowery pic

I wrote this poem using the above artwork as a prompt. I don’t write using prompts very often, but this beautiful creation caught my attention! I have yet to figure out who the artist is. As soon as I find out I will give credit where credit is due.

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz

Blessedly

It’s a dance
We dance
In time we keep
Our feet
Our hearts
Together…

Waltz the walk
Foxtrot the talk
Move in sync
Beat to beat
Cheek to cheek
Together…

Moonlit rumba
Afternoon samba
We’ll dance the days
Chase away worry
With tangos and dobles
Together…

Blessedly.

~

In a perfect world I’d be followed around by soundtrack music, I’d be dancing, and singing – yes I think life would be more enjoyable if we suddenly stopped what we were doing and broke out into full on musical numbers! Since that’s not always an option (but sometimes could be be if we planned well) I’m going to have to settle for dancing around the house or the supermarket and embarassing my children. Life deserves a little more expression and a little less self imposed trudging. Don’t you agree?

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz

Oxygen

Oxygen

Too many years
Of shallow breath
Left me gasping
Reaching for inhalation
Light headed
Dizzy from asphyxia
Of soul

With each new step
I inhale
Lungs fill
Breath renewed
Reminders of a life
Discovered
By exploration

You are my oxygen

~

Life can leave us jaded, afraid to take the  breaths that will renew our spirit and minds. Too often we get stuck in ruts, continually digging deeper and deeper instead of making progress. Isn’t it nice, when someone (or something) comes along and we are reminded there is more? It really isn’t that they are actually our oxygen, but rather a reason to breathe freely, a reason to exist in a world where we wish to explore and be happy.

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz

Rise

May death give you life;
as you fill this grave with
the body of your past,
may your future rise.
Dust off dirt shoveled,
walk atop all used
to bury you,
build upon earth
meant as a resting place,
create a foundation
on which the mansion
of your future will stand.

Some deaths
are merely beginnings.

~

There are many days when a thought or a phrase I think of in passing become lines of a poem I never thought I would write. This is one of those poems. I didn’t start my day contempleting death, no one I know has recently passed on. I started my day contemplating life and moving on. Huge life changes are often accompanied by losing parts of ourselves, people around us, or the things we own. Metaphorically this is a death of sorts. We reach out of the dirt of the past (or even the present) and focus on the days to come.

~ Nikki Anne Schmutz